Friday, June 24, 2011
It has been 21 days (almsot to the hour!) since I last felt this rage that I am struggling to control. I have been stifiled for over three years. I can't say what I really want to say. I can't be who I really am for fear of his demons spiraling out of control. How much longer can I stuff these emotions down? I have no where to put them but here. His psychologist said it's "heroic" of me. Heroic? I keep thinking maybe it's more stupid of me and lacking in respect for myself and my child that I continue to endure living this way. What I wouldn't give for a "free pass" to shout and scream at him. When is it my turn to unhural all these toxic emotions at him?! I don't get a turn... if I took a turn, it would most likely be my last.